Day 35...

I just realized that I have 4 months to train for my half marathon. I know I can run the 13.1 miles but I want to be able to get a P.R. So I better get on it. My best time is 1:53, and who really cares about the seconds. At this point it seems like a long shot, but I can't wait for training to start. I love having my sights on a goal.

Harvey is out of town all week. It is impossible to get a run in when he is gone. It is impossible to get any exercise in when he is gone. Whenever I plan for it something inevitably gets in the way. For instance, I planned to exercise this morning at 6:00 before all the kids got up. But what happens? Emma decides that at 6:02 she was going to wake up! So maybe I should just stop planning and take the moment when it comes. It seems that with every week I miss, it takes 2 weeks to make up for it. I may have to take Emma and Rylie to the gym's babysitting area and run on the dreaded treadmill. Ugh, I hate that thing, oh and I hate the babysitting area! Could they at least pretend they like their job?!

Day 31...

I killed the scale. I vanished it from my life forever! Well maybe not forever, but for a long, long time! I spoke to my very wise mother about my lack of weight loss and she said I am too stressed out about the weight, focusing on it too much. It is crazy how I can feel good about everything, weigh myself, and my high is instantly diminished because of a number. I walk away from the scale feeling like a whale. So I told it off and it is in time out for a whole month! Take that! Now I can run, lift and do crappy P90X without the "weight" of the scale on my mind. Hopefully this will help me in my journey focus on what is really important. A healthy body and mind, not a number!

Although after having said all this. My body has started to change. I have lost all my boobs! What! The one thing I didn't want to lose. It doesn't seem deserved after the sacrificing of my body to 5 children, but if it means my butt and thighs are to follow suit, I'll take it!

Day 24...

0 weight loss! 0!!! The big fat "0", is now defining me and I hate it. I have worked hard but the sugar still wants to consume my thoughts and all to often I give in. I still can't fathom how or why I haven't lost any weight though. Eating less, Check...Exercising more, Check...Eating more healthy, Check. So why! I am beginning to feel paranoia creep in. I will stick to it though, for I am starting to see benefits in other areas. My running has gotten easier. It is now something I crave everyday. Although it can't be achieved every day (5 kids is a lot and Spring Break doesn't help), but I love it. I feel better afterwards and although I may not be losing any weight I am beginning to feel more healthy overall. So I will continue to exert myself moving forward and striving to conquer my sweets addiction!

Day 16...

I found a running buddy! What a difference it makes when you find the perfect partner. We are on the same level and for that very reason we push each other . I am a social runner and although running alone gives me time to reflect and think about everything I don't have time to think about, running with someone else makes it more enjoyable and my favorite part; the time flies!

Day 15...

I've lost my rhythm and I don't know where to find it! As the run starts out you sort of get into a rhythm. A nice casual one that you can hold on to as you fight through the hills and the climbs. Well, I have lost it. Ever since I have started up running again I have struggled to get it back. Before I got pregnant I used to rely on that rhythm when I wanted to give up. My legs would pull me through it because breaking that stride would only cause further pain and exhaustion. Now I feel like my legs are miles behind me struggling to keep up. I am looking forward to the day when I find that steady drum again.

Oh my IPod died on me yesterday and I had to borrow my daughters. Of course my only selections consisted of Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers and a few other Disney soundtracks. So I selected the most upbeat and my thumb landed on Camp Rock. Hilarious! But it makes great music to run to! Although Joe starts to sound a little squealy when I am tired!

Day 14...

I have decided that running is the only thing that pushes me to my limits. If I do a cycling class I cheat and turn the knob way down when I get too tired. If I do yoga I give up when the muscles start to get shaky. If I do any of my workout videos from home I suddenly decide I need a drink of water just as things are getting tough. I am a quitter for the most part. But not with running. With every challenging hill I encounter I am all the more motivated to make it up it. For some reason I run a bit faster up those hills just to make it all the more difficult. I love it. When I want to give up I can't, I see the destination and I have to make it there. For some reason running brings out my true potential. I can make goals with running and see them achieved. I really do love it!

Day 13...

Have you ever felt like your legs were made of lead? That was today. Each step I wondered if I wasn't going to fall flat on my face. I was waiting for my legs to give out. I started out on the treadmill at the gym and I seriously hate the treadmill. There is nothing so unmotivating then running in place. I need the competition of the hills and the roads. So I headed out of the gym after a mile and ran on the road. There is the perfect road just outside the gym that creates the perfect mile. So I ran there and back and made it 3 miles with the awful treadmill included.

I think as mothers we often feel guilty trying to fit in our runs or even just the "me" times. I always feel a tinge of guilt and remorse. Like I have done something wrong by leaving them, well not so much the leaving part as the wanting to leave them. So after my run I went inside the gym and did a few stretches and instantly felt like I had to go home. 1 hour away was much too long. I had visions of Harvey trying to comfort a crying baby while at the same time trying to make business calls and cursing my name because of my absence. Not that he would ever do that, but that is were my guilt comes in. I rushed home shortly after the stretching and didn't get anything else in. I am feeling a little unmotivated at the moment due to my 0 weight loss and my +3 pound weight gain over last weeks eating feasts. Is it really possible to gain 3 pounds in one week, apparently when you are over 30!