Day 103...

So I ran in the evening tonight for the first time in a very, very long time. I am not sure why I am intimidated to run in the evening out here. I guess I feel like I am running out in the wild. There are so many night time animals that I feel could eat me alive out here.

Virginia landscape is beautiful though and I feel the evenings capture it in its fullest glory. As I was running tonight my senses were on fire. The air took on a different smell with every breath I took. One minute I would smell fresh hay, the next lilacs, and the next would be the smell of summer coconut (don't know where that one came from) and a little bit of a rainy smell would creep in although not a cloud in the sky. I have this running mix that I change periodically on my iPod and right now the song "fireflies" by Owl City is on there. As the song began to play I took note of the fireflies that were busy all around me. It was a light show just for my entertainment. I didn't quite see 10,000 but there were plenty enough to put my mind at ease from getting eaten by a bear!

Day 102...

I don't know why I am keeping track of the days. I have lost the ambition for running any sort of marathon this year. It isn't because I lack in my running it is because I am a mom of 5 and running that many hours on my Saturdays that are normally full of soccer just aren't feasible anymore. On the other hand I just ran my fastest 5k since the birth of Ems. It wasn't speedy by any means but I am starting to gain momentum and seeing results.

I have learned one valuable fact. These last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful and although when I stress I just want to eat and sit; I decided that I needed to vent all this pent up anxiety by running. So off I went. And I cruised. It was as if all the stress I was feeling was bursting me forward and the faster I ran the better I felt. It was great! So I decided that whenever I run a race I just need to time it during my stressed out moments in life and I will kick butt!

Day 61...

I can't believe I have been running now for 2 months. I feel some progression but not enough to satisfy so I did some speed workouts on Thursday. I began the day with the baby crying incessantly and the boy teasing the girls to the point where even I felt picked on. So the only thing I desired after I dropped them all off at their schools was to let out all my frustration on the treadmill. Which I despise. So I did some speed work. I felt so good afterwards. I wasn't able to achieve much as far as speed goes, but I felt better than I have in a long time. I have started eating more healthy and can feel a huge difference in the way that my body feels. I have more energy and more strength. Still no weight loss. I don't know why my body is hanging onto this weight. It can be quite devastating. So I try not to weigh myself very often and focus on the way I feel. Today is a saturday and I am supposed to run 5 miles. It will be the furthest I have gone since having the baby. I am not sure if I will manage to fit it in on a very busy day but we'll see!

Day 52...

The run today was liberating. I couldn't wait to get out and see just how well I could do. I have been running with a woman that is far superior. Although it may be boring for her it is great for me. She pushes me further and further, faster and faster. I have yet to get where I was before I got pregnant but I am closer to that goal than I have ever been and it is exciting. With 15 extra pounds I can feel the added weight holding me back. I get giddy to think when I finally shed this weight how much my time will improve. I ran 3 miles today in 27 minutes. Although 4 minutes slower than my PR I am still thrilled with seeing that 10:00 minute pace disappear. My sweet baby turns 4 months old on Sunday and Saturday I will celebrate with a 5 mile run. It will be farther than I have gone since having that sweet thing. I still can't believe she is growing so old so fast. So much faster than my other children. I feel grateful to be a mother of incredible children and I am grateful I have the ability to run. It is awful how much time I have spent being mournful over the loss of my much trimmer figure when instead I should be grateful for the opportunity to run. I have legs that move and a heart that beats strong. I am healthy and I should be happy about that!

Day 49...

I can't believe that I have been back running for nearly 50 days. I feel I should be further along than I am now. The baby is almost 4 months old and I am running out of the excuse of "I just had a baby." I have really enjoyed having that crutch! I am ready to get to work.

Day 39...

I just had to thank those of you who have commented on my blog. Your comments uplift and inspire me. It is good to know I have the support network I need right now, but it is also good to know I have you all to own up to if I don't achieve what I have set out to achieve.

I have missed an entire week of running. I remember as a child my dad would come home from a rough day at work a huge grouch. We all couldn't wait for him to go on his run for the day, not because we wanted him out of the house, but because he would come back from his run a totally different person. I am learning the value of that now. I used to view "me time" as time alone doing anything. But I realize now "me time" is the time I get actually doing something for myself. Vegging on the couch just doesn't cut it anymore. Not only does it clear my head but it provides me with the satisfaction of just feeling better. Needless to say, I have been a grouch this week. I'm tired, I'm lonely and I want my husband back. Not only for the emotional stability he provides my children, but for the chance he gives me to do something for myself. I feel selfish in expressing this, but it's true. As moms we give all we have and it is nice to dispense that service to ourselves on occasion.

So I'm looking forward to Harvey returning home for many reasons, but one reason being for his babysitting services!:)

Day 38...

Still waiting for a chance to run!