Day 103...

So I ran in the evening tonight for the first time in a very, very long time. I am not sure why I am intimidated to run in the evening out here. I guess I feel like I am running out in the wild. There are so many night time animals that I feel could eat me alive out here.

Virginia landscape is beautiful though and I feel the evenings capture it in its fullest glory. As I was running tonight my senses were on fire. The air took on a different smell with every breath I took. One minute I would smell fresh hay, the next lilacs, and the next would be the smell of summer coconut (don't know where that one came from) and a little bit of a rainy smell would creep in although not a cloud in the sky. I have this running mix that I change periodically on my iPod and right now the song "fireflies" by Owl City is on there. As the song began to play I took note of the fireflies that were busy all around me. It was a light show just for my entertainment. I didn't quite see 10,000 but there were plenty enough to put my mind at ease from getting eaten by a bear!

Day 102...

I don't know why I am keeping track of the days. I have lost the ambition for running any sort of marathon this year. It isn't because I lack in my running it is because I am a mom of 5 and running that many hours on my Saturdays that are normally full of soccer just aren't feasible anymore. On the other hand I just ran my fastest 5k since the birth of Ems. It wasn't speedy by any means but I am starting to gain momentum and seeing results.

I have learned one valuable fact. These last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful and although when I stress I just want to eat and sit; I decided that I needed to vent all this pent up anxiety by running. So off I went. And I cruised. It was as if all the stress I was feeling was bursting me forward and the faster I ran the better I felt. It was great! So I decided that whenever I run a race I just need to time it during my stressed out moments in life and I will kick butt!

Day 61...

I can't believe I have been running now for 2 months. I feel some progression but not enough to satisfy so I did some speed workouts on Thursday. I began the day with the baby crying incessantly and the boy teasing the girls to the point where even I felt picked on. So the only thing I desired after I dropped them all off at their schools was to let out all my frustration on the treadmill. Which I despise. So I did some speed work. I felt so good afterwards. I wasn't able to achieve much as far as speed goes, but I felt better than I have in a long time. I have started eating more healthy and can feel a huge difference in the way that my body feels. I have more energy and more strength. Still no weight loss. I don't know why my body is hanging onto this weight. It can be quite devastating. So I try not to weigh myself very often and focus on the way I feel. Today is a saturday and I am supposed to run 5 miles. It will be the furthest I have gone since having the baby. I am not sure if I will manage to fit it in on a very busy day but we'll see!

Day 52...

The run today was liberating. I couldn't wait to get out and see just how well I could do. I have been running with a woman that is far superior. Although it may be boring for her it is great for me. She pushes me further and further, faster and faster. I have yet to get where I was before I got pregnant but I am closer to that goal than I have ever been and it is exciting. With 15 extra pounds I can feel the added weight holding me back. I get giddy to think when I finally shed this weight how much my time will improve. I ran 3 miles today in 27 minutes. Although 4 minutes slower than my PR I am still thrilled with seeing that 10:00 minute pace disappear. My sweet baby turns 4 months old on Sunday and Saturday I will celebrate with a 5 mile run. It will be farther than I have gone since having that sweet thing. I still can't believe she is growing so old so fast. So much faster than my other children. I feel grateful to be a mother of incredible children and I am grateful I have the ability to run. It is awful how much time I have spent being mournful over the loss of my much trimmer figure when instead I should be grateful for the opportunity to run. I have legs that move and a heart that beats strong. I am healthy and I should be happy about that!

Day 49...

I can't believe that I have been back running for nearly 50 days. I feel I should be further along than I am now. The baby is almost 4 months old and I am running out of the excuse of "I just had a baby." I have really enjoyed having that crutch! I am ready to get to work.

Day 39...

I just had to thank those of you who have commented on my blog. Your comments uplift and inspire me. It is good to know I have the support network I need right now, but it is also good to know I have you all to own up to if I don't achieve what I have set out to achieve.

I have missed an entire week of running. I remember as a child my dad would come home from a rough day at work a huge grouch. We all couldn't wait for him to go on his run for the day, not because we wanted him out of the house, but because he would come back from his run a totally different person. I am learning the value of that now. I used to view "me time" as time alone doing anything. But I realize now "me time" is the time I get actually doing something for myself. Vegging on the couch just doesn't cut it anymore. Not only does it clear my head but it provides me with the satisfaction of just feeling better. Needless to say, I have been a grouch this week. I'm tired, I'm lonely and I want my husband back. Not only for the emotional stability he provides my children, but for the chance he gives me to do something for myself. I feel selfish in expressing this, but it's true. As moms we give all we have and it is nice to dispense that service to ourselves on occasion.

So I'm looking forward to Harvey returning home for many reasons, but one reason being for his babysitting services!:)

Day 38...

Still waiting for a chance to run!

Day 35...

I just realized that I have 4 months to train for my half marathon. I know I can run the 13.1 miles but I want to be able to get a P.R. So I better get on it. My best time is 1:53, and who really cares about the seconds. At this point it seems like a long shot, but I can't wait for training to start. I love having my sights on a goal.

Harvey is out of town all week. It is impossible to get a run in when he is gone. It is impossible to get any exercise in when he is gone. Whenever I plan for it something inevitably gets in the way. For instance, I planned to exercise this morning at 6:00 before all the kids got up. But what happens? Emma decides that at 6:02 she was going to wake up! So maybe I should just stop planning and take the moment when it comes. It seems that with every week I miss, it takes 2 weeks to make up for it. I may have to take Emma and Rylie to the gym's babysitting area and run on the dreaded treadmill. Ugh, I hate that thing, oh and I hate the babysitting area! Could they at least pretend they like their job?!

Day 31...

I killed the scale. I vanished it from my life forever! Well maybe not forever, but for a long, long time! I spoke to my very wise mother about my lack of weight loss and she said I am too stressed out about the weight, focusing on it too much. It is crazy how I can feel good about everything, weigh myself, and my high is instantly diminished because of a number. I walk away from the scale feeling like a whale. So I told it off and it is in time out for a whole month! Take that! Now I can run, lift and do crappy P90X without the "weight" of the scale on my mind. Hopefully this will help me in my journey focus on what is really important. A healthy body and mind, not a number!

Although after having said all this. My body has started to change. I have lost all my boobs! What! The one thing I didn't want to lose. It doesn't seem deserved after the sacrificing of my body to 5 children, but if it means my butt and thighs are to follow suit, I'll take it!

Day 24...

0 weight loss! 0!!! The big fat "0", is now defining me and I hate it. I have worked hard but the sugar still wants to consume my thoughts and all to often I give in. I still can't fathom how or why I haven't lost any weight though. Eating less, Check...Exercising more, Check...Eating more healthy, Check. So why! I am beginning to feel paranoia creep in. I will stick to it though, for I am starting to see benefits in other areas. My running has gotten easier. It is now something I crave everyday. Although it can't be achieved every day (5 kids is a lot and Spring Break doesn't help), but I love it. I feel better afterwards and although I may not be losing any weight I am beginning to feel more healthy overall. So I will continue to exert myself moving forward and striving to conquer my sweets addiction!

Day 16...

I found a running buddy! What a difference it makes when you find the perfect partner. We are on the same level and for that very reason we push each other . I am a social runner and although running alone gives me time to reflect and think about everything I don't have time to think about, running with someone else makes it more enjoyable and my favorite part; the time flies!

Day 15...

I've lost my rhythm and I don't know where to find it! As the run starts out you sort of get into a rhythm. A nice casual one that you can hold on to as you fight through the hills and the climbs. Well, I have lost it. Ever since I have started up running again I have struggled to get it back. Before I got pregnant I used to rely on that rhythm when I wanted to give up. My legs would pull me through it because breaking that stride would only cause further pain and exhaustion. Now I feel like my legs are miles behind me struggling to keep up. I am looking forward to the day when I find that steady drum again.

Oh my IPod died on me yesterday and I had to borrow my daughters. Of course my only selections consisted of Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers and a few other Disney soundtracks. So I selected the most upbeat and my thumb landed on Camp Rock. Hilarious! But it makes great music to run to! Although Joe starts to sound a little squealy when I am tired!

Day 14...

I have decided that running is the only thing that pushes me to my limits. If I do a cycling class I cheat and turn the knob way down when I get too tired. If I do yoga I give up when the muscles start to get shaky. If I do any of my workout videos from home I suddenly decide I need a drink of water just as things are getting tough. I am a quitter for the most part. But not with running. With every challenging hill I encounter I am all the more motivated to make it up it. For some reason I run a bit faster up those hills just to make it all the more difficult. I love it. When I want to give up I can't, I see the destination and I have to make it there. For some reason running brings out my true potential. I can make goals with running and see them achieved. I really do love it!

Day 13...

Have you ever felt like your legs were made of lead? That was today. Each step I wondered if I wasn't going to fall flat on my face. I was waiting for my legs to give out. I started out on the treadmill at the gym and I seriously hate the treadmill. There is nothing so unmotivating then running in place. I need the competition of the hills and the roads. So I headed out of the gym after a mile and ran on the road. There is the perfect road just outside the gym that creates the perfect mile. So I ran there and back and made it 3 miles with the awful treadmill included.

I think as mothers we often feel guilty trying to fit in our runs or even just the "me" times. I always feel a tinge of guilt and remorse. Like I have done something wrong by leaving them, well not so much the leaving part as the wanting to leave them. So after my run I went inside the gym and did a few stretches and instantly felt like I had to go home. 1 hour away was much too long. I had visions of Harvey trying to comfort a crying baby while at the same time trying to make business calls and cursing my name because of my absence. Not that he would ever do that, but that is were my guilt comes in. I rushed home shortly after the stretching and didn't get anything else in. I am feeling a little unmotivated at the moment due to my 0 weight loss and my +3 pound weight gain over last weeks eating feasts. Is it really possible to gain 3 pounds in one week, apparently when you are over 30!

Day 12...

There was no seeing Lindsay run this week. I am not sure what it is about a vacation but it is also time to take a vacation from everything in your normal life. Including exercise.

I attempted a run on Monday and made it 2 miles before I gave up. I felt sluggish. Was it the pounds of fast food I consumed? Was it the heat? Was it the late nights chatting with friends? I have no idea but I wouldn't trade any of it for a pound or two of weight loss.

I vacated my day to day life for awhile and I loved every minute of it. I loved being with old friends and I loved seeing my children smile. Now for a new start and a new day.

Just an FYI- there was no weight loss after week 1. I am sure after this week I actually have more to lose than when I started! I am still anticipating my "biggest loser" moment; I'll let you know when it happens!

Day 5...

No run today. I had to get ready for our trip to Florida. However, I did manage to make it to Khol's, now why would I fit a shopping trip into my very busy day? Because nothing fits!!!! There is nothing in my stinkin' closet that fits. I had to buy everything new for this trip and it was a size which I have never placed upon my body. I was depressed and the after effects are still hitting me strongly right now. I have to remind myself that Emma is only 9 weeks old AND my 5th baby. But the reminder doesn't help the ego much.

But...

I will tell you want does. Carson my 4 year old son overheard my complaints. He came up to me and said, "Mom you are beautiful, the most beautifully mommy ever!" Oh I love that boy. I am so grateful God sent me a son, what would I do without him!

Day 4...

Ran 3.7 miles today. I am so grateful for drivers who slow down and get all the way over to the other side of the road as they pass you. I am also grateful for dog owners who keep their dogs trained well enough to stay on their own property and bark at me from a distance. Now...

To all people who drive past me at 50 mph and are inches away from hitting me; and those dog owners who allow their merciless best friends to nip at my ankles...I will now be carrying in the palm of my hands a large rock and a sharp pointy stick. Will I actually use them? Just try me; I am after all the daughter of a runner who trained me well in the art of runners self-defense!

Oh and I have officially decided I hate lunges and squats. I petered (is that actually a word) out half-way through. I tried to blame my time constraints with the baby but we all now the truth of the matter.:)

Day 3...

I woke up this morning and it was a gorgeous day. I couldn't wait to get out and run. On days like this you feel like your wasting it every second you are inside. So my husband gallantly took on the kids and let me run.

I decided to drive to the YMCA. There is this great road with lots of little shops that I like to run through; it creates a distraction. So off I went. While I was running I realized that because I couldn't fit the run in yesterday I needed to use that break to my advantage. I was going to push myself to 4 miles today. This only being the 3rd time I have ran since having the baby I thought I might be trying to achieve the impossible. But on a day as beautiful as this, I didn't care.

I started with this girl around my age just a few feet in front of me. Now if you know me, you know I have a terrible competitive streak when it comes to running. If I couldn't beat this girl I was at least going to try to keep up with her. I instantly realized that beating her was out of the question, there was no way I could go that fast. So I resolved on just keeping up with her, but it seemed every second I looked down when I looked back up again she was further away. So I sped up. Within a few steps I realized I could not sustain that pace. So I backed off and watched the girl in front of me disappear out of sight.

So my ego was bruised but my spirits lifted after I completed my goal of 4 miles. I went into the YMCA and finished the workout off with squats, lunges, crunches and sit-ups. After all is said and done, I conclude that I need to be proud of the milestones achieved, I love the P90X recovery drink, and thanks to squats and lunges I now hate stairs.

Day 2...

Life is way too busy. A workout was seriously impossible today and the cheesecake in the fridge keeps calling my name! I tried some, it was disgusting. Thought I was saved until I realized we had turtle pie in the freezer. Couldn't resist, ate it, feeling bad now!

It's time...

Day 1-

Baby surprised me on Saturday night with an 11 hour sleep. I was thrilled, elated, overjoyed, but apparently not enough. Because Sunday night she decided to remind me of why she may be our last child by sleeping 4 hours. Any normal person can't survive a day on 4 hours of sleep. But I am not normal. Not only did I not survive I became a zombie. Shuffling from room to room the dishes sat; the laundry unfinished and I had not a single desire to see these things change.

My first thoughts of the day turned to the workout that was looming over my head. With so little sleep I had an immediate excuse of putting it off until the next day. I was going to use it too. Until my husband got home from work and galantly exclaimed he was ending work early so I could begin my first days regime. Really? Of all the times to support he chooses to support me when what I really wanted was just an excuse. How could I refuse at this point? So I pulled the sports bra on, slipped on the old running shoes and out the door I began what was a trip to hell and back.

For those of you who don't live in VA let me explain...the hills are merciless. There are no flat roads, but it's not just that, the hills aren't achieved unless climbing is involved. I have never seen such a steep grade like this in my life.

So I started out feeling the relief of just being out of the house and alone with my thoughts. I hit the mile mark and I was feeling hot to trot. A little speed demon I was. What didn't occur to me was that I was going downhill and in order to make it back home I was going to have to go up the hills I just flew down. So 1.5 miles came and went effortlessly but as I turned to come back home it was then I realized what I just did. I gazed up at my effortless run and nearly sunk as I realized what I was going to have to do in order to get back home. So I set my body into motion, a slow rhthymned motion. My arms were swinging and my legs were bouncing to the beat in my IPod. As the second mile was coming to a close my legs were feeling every hit on the pavement. My hips felt the jarring and my lungs felt as if they were on fire. But...I was not going to walk. Soon the hill that seemed overwhelming became ever steeper. As my uncontrolled breathing continued my sides started to feel the sharp jabs of pain. So those sharp jabs of pain took over my lungs and I was a complete mess. I finally made it home and just as I wanted to collapse I realized I still had to do my squats and lunges. Wondering how I was going to get my spaghetti legs moving I began to lunge forward. Have you ever felt like your muscles were going to burst through your skin? That's what I felt like as my workout ended, lunges, squats, sit-ups, crunches, and push-ups completed. I crawled my way up the stairs and as I entered the house my husband comes around the corner informing our dinner guests were going to arrive at any minute.

Dinner guests? I thought that was canceled! All I wanted to do at that moment was cry. I was tired. Any energy I had left after my 4 hours of sleep was just used up by that ridiculous workout and I am now supposed to throw a meal together in just a matter of minutes? I just want a shower and a bed! But I sucked it up, made the dinner, put on my charm as they arrived, did the dishes, completed our Family Night Lesson and activity, gave the children baths, and put them to bed, made a last minute trip to the store for milk and baby formula, and finally around 10:00pm, I crashed into my "too good to be true" bed and fell very fast asleep...